Fasting my husband...WHAT???

So today was my first official day at church without Casey. I wasn't looking forward to it. I kept thinking "I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna cry, I'm gonna cry". But I made myself get out of bed (not really, the dogs have been getting me up at an outrageously early hour), and got ready for my churches 9:15 service.

So here are a couple of things I like about my service: 1. There is hardly anyone ever there! I know I know, most people want to have a full church, but I can't stand small talk (or the feeling of being alone surrounded by strangers), so the less people there the better. And anyways everyone that goes to my church campus likes to sleep in till the later service! 2. The awesome worship! It's usually loud and dark in the service, which is perfect if you say "break down and cry", and don't want everyone to notice. 3. We have some great pastors at my church, and I'm always intrigued by there messages.

So I kept reminding myself of these three things, and God's presence, as I drove to church. I have to say, everything went fairly well. Sure, I got choked up sometimes, and sure, the worship was acoustic...which made it even harder not to cry; but I made it through!! I just had to constantly remind myself that I should be rejoicing in the Lord, and not getting down and depressed because of my circumstances. It worked out pretty well!!

Then came the message. Pastor Joe was preaching on fasting today, and I really got a lot out of his service. One of his points that really stuck with me was how fasting can help reveal our true nature to ourselves...and it got me thinking about my situation in life. **Disclaimer: I'm of the opinion that you should always be open to what God is telling you, and that you should always be asking yourself, "How does this apply to me?"** So I was truly pondering a life of fasting, and how giving Casey up felt so acutely close to it, when God intervened.

To explain this more, I have to give you a little bit of a background on everything. If you know me, then you should know that Casey and I are connected at the hip! I'm one of those rare women who love to spend ALL of my time with my husband...GASP!! So when Casey left, I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to cope (for more info please reference my past post). Furthermore, as taboo as some people will take this, after God, Casey really is my "life-bread". I don't mean this in a worshipful way, only that God has placed him in my life as a sort of rock.

If you still aren't following my drift, you should probably give up now, because the rest will just confuse you more.

So God started sharing with me how He was going to fill that "hunger for Casey" void, and kept reminding me of how He had sustained me through the week thus far. Now I know I'm not exactly "fasting" my husband...nor am I really even abstaining, but I am giving him up (whether I want to or not). Which, no matter how you look at it, is hard. So when God spoke to me, it gave me some much needed relief.

I know God is revealing thing to me about myself, that I might never have learned if Casey hadn't left. I'm learning that I can make it through the day (a huge accomplishment), and that I can take out the trash on my own, and go to sleep with-out crying. These were things I never knew about myself, things I would have never tried. Some of you out there in internet-world might be thinking, "Gosh, that doesn't sound tough at all.", but when you are put to the task of living alone (having never done so before) you might think otherwise.

So God has really not only been showing me my true nature, but more importantly HIS! He has shown me in this last 1/2 week how much he longs for me, and how much he cares. I haven't gone a single second without the feeling of being completely surrounded by God. It's a huge comfort!

Another comfort in this time of pain is God's word. I've been meditating on scripture and how God said in Genesis that "...they will become one flesh" (referring to the husband and wife). I feel Casey near me, like we are one flesh. No matter the void between us, we are connected because of Christ. Isn't that awesome? Doesn't it make you just want to jump up in the air and do a little dance!!? I know it does for me. My biggest fear with Casey leaving, was the thought of falling out of "sync" with him...and here God is telling me that HE will be our connection!! HE will be our bridge!! Hallelujah!!

Anyways, I just wanted to share a little bit about God's love. I could still use everyone's prayers, especially as we progress further into Casey's training. This next year is bound to be hard, but with God's guidance I know Casey and I will both be able to make it through.

24 hours or less

I have been dreading this day all week. Today will be the last full day I get to spend with Casey...and of course he has out-processing on base. So, while he is there, I'm pacing the house. Hopefully, he will be home soon!

Tomorrow, we will head out to the airport, and Casey will board his plane. We both decided it wasn't a good idea to have me drive home, so thankfully my awesome sister will be there for chauffeur duty. I'll need her like crazy...tomorrow I am going to be a WRECK!

The hardest part about all of this is of course the time. The limited time I have left with Casey, the enormous amount of time spent apart, and of course the worst time of all: "Night-time". I'm not sure what it is about night, that turns me into such a blubbering idiot, but I have a feeling it is only going to get worse while Casey is gone. Being alone won't be fun.

But being in a group of people won't be fun either. I'm not looking forward to going to church alone...or having to answer stupid peoples questions of "How are you?"(peachy, how do you think I am?). Or even spend time with other couples in general. The one place I think I will feel secure is with my family. After Casey, they are the greatest rock God has given me. I'll need them more than ever.

So that is just a little heads up about what's going on in our lives. I know Casey will be missed by everyone. If you haven't had a chance to say goodbye to Casey, I'm sorry. You can always tell him on facebook, but PLEASE do not call or text. Today is my day with him, and I'm sick of people interrupting my time.

Trust me, if you do...you will feel the full force of my WRATH!

After my last very long (and pathetic) post, I wanted to write about something better. Something that makes me happy! The last few days have been considerably better...in part to Casey being home and not on base, and also because of all the work we are getting done before he leaves.

It's allowed me to look optimistically at the future. I have a ton of projects I want to get done around the house, and now have the financial means to do so. While Casey is gone, I plan on filling my time with re-vamping the home. I also have been looking into art classes. My sister has shown an interest in joining me, and I can't wait to get started. Pottery, oil painting, and faux finishes are hopefully in my near future. AND scrap booking, I have some major picture piles to get through, and a great mother-in-law to scrap with!

If you know me well, you'll know that I crave projects...in fact, that's how my Mom and I pass our summer days. We work on everything from the yard, to remodeling, to making enough banana bread to last all winter! So it goes without saying that any task to keep my hands busy, will make me happy...no matter how hot it gets out!

One of my greatest joys in the summer is working in the yard. I'm not one of those wimpy girls that hates to sweat or get dirty. It's worth it! And although my yard is nowhere near completion, I still take joy in the little things. The following are a bunch of pictures from my work-in-project yard :)



NO! We didn't get kittens. These are just two of the thousands of stray cats around our house. Thankfully I spied them before I opened the door to let Hammie out. They were so cute playing around on the lounger!


This planter is my PRIDE and JOY this summer. It's filled with different varieties of sweet potato vines and a spike. I bought them all on clearance at the farmers market back in May and they looked pretty pathetic. The vines were only about two inches long, and looked like they were on their last leg.
Now the vines are closer to two and a half feet long! Goes to show what a little TLC can accomplish! Oh and side note, the pave stones in the back were an even better bargain. My mother-in-law gave them to me for FREE! Score!! I just need to buy a few more to have a winding path out to my mulberry tree!


This wind chime was a Christmas gift from my Momma, Casey and I finally got it hung this year.

Every year I have slowly been adding plants to my garden. This year I added a few hostas, a coleus, and a fern. The froggy was another gift from my Mom. I'm usually not into lawn ornaments, but this one was too cute! I'm hoping my hostas grow huge and my little frog will be peeking out through the leaves.

This year my irises were insane. I've never seen so many blooms! I wish I had a picture to show of all of them. They were perfect cut flowers! I didn't do much to them this year, except let them loose, and add a bird bath! Casey's parents gave us this awesome bath for an Anniversary gift...I love it!!

My rose-a-sharron is still putting out some pretty blooms. I've had to keep an eye on it this year though, the ants have been crawling all over it...YUCK!

The only other "pest" we've noticed in the yard this year are cicada bugs. They must be drawn to my mulberry tree, because I've found 19 shells clinging to its trunk. I also suspect them of tampering with wy coleus plants, hopefully they don't do any long term damage.

All of that said, I have a long way to go. I plan on doubling my number of planters next year, and maybe even putting in some plants out front. All things to look forward to!!