2 weeks...

That's how long I have until the hubby is home!!  Just 14 more days until I can see him again.  14 days till I can hold him.  That's also only 2 more weeks of keeping my emotions in check.  'Cause if you're wondering how I'm feeling...it's pretty much calm, reserved, and numb. 

I pretty much shut myself off to deep emotions when Casey is gone, it's a defense mechanism, and it's necessary.  Since day 1, God has guarded my heart against all extreme emotions, and I don't think I could have made it otherwise.  Even when we first said goodbye at the terminal, it felt like I was watching myself walk away from him...and that God had stepped in to take my place, emotionally.  I don't recall making any decisions, one moment we were saying goodbye, and the next moment I was watching myself walk away.  

It's the same for Casey, whenever he has to leave me, he shuts off his emotions too...we call it military mode, but it's pretty much the same thing.  He morphs into Airmen Perkins, who is all about the mission...not emotions.

All this low-emotion stuff might sound cold and heartless, but it's become crucial to my post-Casey survival.  Otherwise, I would be crying myself to sleep every night, wondering how I could possibly go on...and I don't need that!  

Don't get me wrong though, I am extremely excited to have my husband home.  I miss him, and love him, and can't wait to hold him (nothing could remove those feelings).   It's been hard and lonely without him here to comfort me and cheer me up.  I'm more than ready to have him home (heck, I'm down-right ecstatic), I'm just not allowing myself to get my hopes to high...just to find out he has to stay another week (which is totally possible with the military).

And I've found that instead of dealing with the onslaught of new emotions, I've been throwing myself into home repairs...desperate to finish things in time for Casey to be home.  It helps me process things a little more clearly, for example:

-Once I get this work done=Casey will be home!!  
-I'll have two rooms completely finished in the house= and Casey will be home!!
-The yard is coming together=Casey will be home to enjoy it!!

It's like I'm working towards a goal.  Like all the repairs I do, bring him home faster.  That's nonsense I know, but that's how my brain is choosing to process it!  So I'll humor myself a little longer, and finish up those projects, in hopes that it will fill my time till he gets here.