Up in the Air

That's how life feels right about now. In true military fashion, our plans change all the time. Just when we were prepared to send Casey off on the 9th, his basic day switched to the 18th of August. That means I get 2 1/2 more weeks with him. 2 1/2 weeks of non-stop "Casey time" (minus super drill).

And as happy as I am, I can't help feeling we are just postponing the inevitable. Not to be all gloom and doom, but it's really hard dealing with all of this. The truth is I break down and cry at least once a day...usually at night. I've already found I hate most music now (including Christian tunes), not to mention most small talk about the coming future (everything makes me cry); and with Casey being on base all weekend, I'm really feeling his absence.

I know everyone tells me crying is okay, and that it will help...but I'm not really sure it does. It feels more like I'm coming up to a dark imposing stone wall (one I won't be able to climb or overcome), and crying just makes that fear more of a reality.

What makes it worse is Casey's 10 month leave is now looking like it will be closer to 12 months. How do I deal with 12 months of solitude? How do I cope? I know myself enough to know that I am a terrible recluse when left to my own will, and Casey was usually the one to pull me out of this funk. Am I going to be one of those miserable wrecks that sleep their day away, and stop showering, eating, and talking?

I am thankful for all my amazing friends and family members who have gone out of their way already to help me. My mom is the biggest God-send! She has the most patient temperment to listen to all my fears and angry-bouts, and then gently re-assure me. I honestly have the best family in the world, and I am counting on them to carry me through this coming year.

More importantly I have a gracious God who is going to keep both Casey and I strong. He listens to our prayers and scoops away our fears. The closer we get to Casey's departure date, the more affirmed I am in knowing that we are following God's will. That knowledge is the biggest comfort in our lives.

I wish I could have given you something a little more "cheery" to read. I'll try to make an effort in the future to look at the bright side more. If anything, getting all of these emotions off of my chest has been very therapeutic. A lot more so than crying alone ever could be.

Till next time...