New Revelations in Life-Lived-Alone

I'm sure it's the same with every military wife. You really can't find any good reason why it would be okay for your husband to not be at home. Besides not having to say: shave your legs as often, there really isn't an upside to living alone.

Before I go on, let me make this fact crystal clear: I am extremely proud of my husband. And I KNOW this is where God wants us to be. This post isn't so much about feeling all woe-is-me, but more along the lines of realizing the challenges that come with military life.

So when Casey and I parted in mid-August, I wasn't exactly sure how living alone would affect me. I knew I would have to take on more responsibilities (mowing the lawn, taking care of any car problems, etc.), but all in all I figured it would be loads easier cleaning up after one person then two people.

I can now confidently say, "I was WRONG". Life has become more hectic than ever. Sure I'm only doing one persons laundry, but everything else hasn't really changed. The dogs still track in leaves EVERY day. Which means the floors still have to be vacuumed and moped. The bathroom still has to be cleaned every week. The grass still grows, and in turn, needs mowed. The light bulbs still have to be replaced. The dishes still have to be done, and before you say, well you're only doing meals for one. I might add that cooking a meal (no matter the size) still dirties the same amount of cookware. The bills still have to be paid. The bed made. The furniture vacuumed. The groceries bought. The gas tank filled. The dogs given baths...and haircuts! The trash taken out. The dogs fed. The list just goes on and on.

Now I don't say all these things to insinuate that I have an aversion to them. I really don't. I'm more than capable to handle each individual project. But I've realized recently that I don't have anyone to fall back on. I've got great friends and family to help out with the big things (like my brother-in-law checking over my car), but when it comes to the day to day responsibilities: either I do it, or it doesn't get done.

I remember the days when Casey would cook dinner, 'cause I had a really rough day. Or he would take care of dishes, since I cooked the meal. I don't have those options anymore. It's all on me.

All that said, it got me thinking about how grateful I am to work from home. And have the option to set my own schedule. Otherwise, I don't think I would be able to do everything (or for that matter...anything).

This new revelation in life has also got me thinking about all the extra activities I've taken on since Casey left. I'm now in two Bible Studies (one of which I co-lead). I watch my nephews for a few hours on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. I joined a class at my church on Wednesday night. And I usually always have something going on during the weekend. These type of activities are crucial in my life. I'm an insufferable "home-body", and if I'm not out-'n-about these days, I sit at home all by myself...which after a while becomes very depressing.

I can't tell you how exhausted I am though, and I think it's time for me to start assessing what's really important in my life. Sometimes the best gift you can give, is none at all, and I need to start looking at all the "extra" luggage I've been dragging around. Perhaps taking a back seat in certain activities, or dropping others all together will help me clear the way for some "me" time in my life. And I desperately NEED "me" time!

I could really use your prayer in this time of change and decision making...it's bound to be difficult to give things to God and let him sort it out, but I also know how crucial it will be...and in the end, how liberating!